Fuda # 6

[idealism]

[It's a beautiful, sunny day. The temperature is apparently between "boiling point" and "molten lava", and every sane person is inside, hugging their air conditioner.]

[Except for this guy. Tsuzuki is searching the grass outside House 49. He looks downright distressed, sitting on his knees and brushing his fingers through the lawn and dirt. When he's down with one patch, he hurries to the next one, not caring much about the heat even though his body does.]

It has to be around here somewhere...

Comments

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

[Careful or you'll faint again! Tsuzuki gets up and sits on his legs to keep the slapping slightly out of reach.] But that's so much work!

I didn't look, I promise. It's just that the jacket looked hot.

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

[WORTH IT.] Stop being so lazy!

... [But he trails off mid-yell, because he wasn't thinking about what Tsuzuki was talking about. In all the fuss, he hadn't really noticed that his shoulders had gone bare. Belatedly, he pulls Tsuzuki's blanket over himself.]

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

But work is so boring!

[Tsuzuki makes himself comfortable, although he doesn't say anything. He's already apologized, what more can he say? More words will just screw everything up.]

[So instead, he starts to feel at him. Don't want to hurt him Hisoka he's pretty when he blushes too hope he doesn't hate me now Hisoka ow my head hurts but it was worth it to have him touch me Hisoka I wonder if he knows he's handsome or not-] We need to get you a lighter jacket. That one is too heavy.

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

Stop that. I don't hate you. [He huddles self-consciously.] And I wasn't planning on staying out very long. It's fine at night.

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

You can have my spare shirt. It's lighter than your jacket.

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

I said I'm fine. [But he's fussing with one of his own lost feathers anyway, finding it preferable to eye contact.]

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

I'll just bring it out, then you can decide. [He hops off the bed and goes to his closet. Although he pretends not to see it, he notices how self-conscious Hisoka acts. It's really on accident that he projects the impression of touching that doesn't hurt, fingers brushing against fingers. Like coming home.]

It's this one. Try it on.

[Tsuzuki tosses the shirt towards his partner, before sitting down on the bed again.]

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

[Hisoka nods and burrows underneath the blanket immediately, partially for privacy and partially to get some distance from the way Tsuzuki very vividly desires the things that frighten Hisoka the most. He lingers longer than he has to before re-emerging.] It's big, but it'll do until I go back to my room.

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

[Tsuzuki nods. Although he wishes there was some way that Hisoka would trust him, he's aware that there's no way to make him to do so.]

It's the least I could do. [He gestures to his watch, which he's put on his wrist again.] Thank you for the help.

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

[The trust goes without saying. There's trust on an intimate level that Hisoka would never thought himself capable. He trusts Tsuzuki with his life, but that's very different from the kind of comfort Tsuzuki seems to be expecting from him now. There are expectations now, and possibly rules that Hisoka's afraid to break.] No problem. I know what it means to you.

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

[Putting one's life in another one's hands is definitely different than a romantic trust. Tsuzuki has yet to see the subtle nuances of it, on the other hand. To him trusting someone means trusting them completely not to hurt you.]

[He rubs his wrist absentmindedly. There's tension in the air, and some of it's his own.] ... [He undoes the watch tensely, before resting his naked wrist against the cover on the bed. He's not letting the scar-side be visible. He's not that brave.] Now we're even.

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

Tsuzuki... You don't have to do that. [Even though it's clear that he appreciates the gesture; he can't help but stare at Tsuzuki's naked wrist when he's put it out there like that.]

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

I want to. [Tsuzuki is anxious about it, and his other hand keeps twisting the watch-straps. That's nothing compared to how determined he is. He truly thinks that Hisoka deserves to see it's okay to show weakness in private. Even if this time, it's laced with shame.]

Can I hold your hand?

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

...I guess. [Hisoka's hand is shaking as it reaches for Tsuzuki's]

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

[Because it's shaking, Tsuzuki changes the position of his hand so the wrist faces up. That way he can cup Hisoka's hands when it's close enough to touch. He tries not to show his own nervousness, but he's not exactly proud of his own scars. They're incredibly ugly to look at, to him.]

[But showing then to Hisoka makes it better, somehow.]

[aphephobic.livejournal.com]

[That bit of vulnerability is what Hisoka needs. He clutches Tsuzuki's hand a little tighter than absolutely necessary, attempting to be supportive.]

[purpledemoneyes.livejournal.com]

[It works wonders. Tsuzuki's squeezes Hisoka's hand quickly to show his gratitude, and looks up.]

You can touch it, if you want. It's okay.