idealism | Fuda # 27

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Fuda # 27 | D:

[ooc: this is happening after a very gory fight that's going to require that they take some time healing up.]

[locked to the best of Tsuzuki's ability - hackable]

He's going to be okay. He has to.

Why isn't he responding?

~~I wish~~

~~Tatsumi would know what to do. I wish we were home.~~

[/locked]

[Later in the same day, Tsuzuki does some groceries. Just because he has to take care of Hisoka and Draco at home doesn't mean he can avoid those chores. He studies his note seriously, wondering where he can find olive oil and cheese. If anyone wants to run into him, now is the chance.]

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Good. [His gaze flickers to the couch with barely restrained worry. He's been gone for more than ten minutes. Hisoka might have woken up by then.]

...Can I just check something? I'll be right back.

Feel free. [He will continue doing this and that in the kitchen.]

[His footprints makes soft sounds on the floor as he approaches Hisoka and Draco. A quick look tells him that neither of them have moved since he left them. He check's Draco'sd temperature to make sure he's healing well. Then ...]

[Tsuzuki leaves a chaste kiss against Hisoka's forehead.]

It's going to be all right.

[He can't stand to stay there for long. Biting his lower lip, he returns to the kitchen.]

Sorry.

Edited 2011-10-24 18:50 (UTC)

It is all right, Tsuzuki. [Sheik sets aside the tomatoes he'd been rinsing and moves to hug Tsuzuki.]

Are you all right?

[He doesn't feel like he deserve a hug, which is why he hesitates before moving forward. If he'd only been faster, or found Hisoka's map earlier, they wouldn't be in this mess.]

[Tsuzuki runs his hand through his hair, feeling horribly guilty. -For failing them, and for worrying Sheik on top of it.]

It's not me you have to worry about.

[Sheik shakes his head.] You are someone I have to worry about.

[Tsuzuki's not sure how to deal with hearing that. He genuinely doesn't agree with it, because he's done too many bad things to be worthy of that.]

Why? I'm not the one that got hurt. I was just the one that failed to help them.

[He swallows, feeling bitter and helpless.]

That is precisely why I worry. [Sheik looks up at Tsuzuki, expression gentle.] You try to carry too much alone. Why is it you blame yourself for things out of your control?

[His shoulders droop slowly. Normally he'd want to keep up a pretense of being okay, but today it's very hard. Tsuzuki simply ends up looking tired and vulnerable.]

But it was my responsibility. I promised him I wouldn't let him get hurt again. It should have been in my control.

[If I hadn't been such a failure, goes unsaid. He takes a deep, shaky breath.]

[Okay, come here you. Sheik moves to the table and pulls out a chair. Sit.]

It is impossible to remain in control of everything, Tsuzuki. Especially when it involves others. [Sheik's own expression turns sad, if briefly. It's a lesson he continues to learn over and over.]

[He doesn't need much encouragement to sit down. Even on his worst days, Tsuzuki wants to accommodate the people around him. Placing his hands on the table, he looks pleadingly up at his friend. What Sheik says almost sounds comforting, except that Tsuzuki has a hard time taking them to heart.]

Then why does it feel like I've failed them?

[His voice is very soft as he speaks, because Tsuzuki doesn't talk about these things often. Even though he trusts and cares about Sheik, he's still scared of the answer.]

They're not bad people. They don't deserve bad things happening to them.

I believe it is a feeling many of us struggle with. You feel it is your duty to look after them, do you not? [Sheik settles into a chair next to Tsuzuki. How does he word this? How does he convey his understanding? He knows the feeling all too well, all from his own struggles to learn what it means to be a real person.]

To be unable to protect someone... Even if it is not your fault... [Where is this going? What is he saying? He bites his lip. He doesn't know.] It is impossible to protect someone completely. ...Even if that is your sole purpose in the world. [He glances over at Tsuzuki, brow furrowed. Like him.]

[Tsuzuki's relieved he's not the only one that feels that way. Sheik gets it. That kind of understanding is so rare that he doesn't know how to deal with it. His eyes shine with tears, and he makes a point of looking straight at the table. Tsuzuki's heartsick with worry and sorrow about what happened, but until Sheik begun to speak he thought he had it under control. Hearing his friend articulate what he was feeling hurts, the way resetting a bone hurts.]

[He blinks to clear his blurry eyes, and tears drip onto his cheek accidentally.]
I know. But... [What stays unsaid is What's the point if I can't?]

Tsuzuki... [Shit, don't cry. Sheik isn't very good at handling that. Especially when he's trying to help Tsuzuki feel better, not worse. Sheik fidgets a little, unsure how to proceed.]

...You do your best for them. That is what is important, in the end. [He stands and goes on a quick little hunt for a handkerchief, and when he doesn't find one, settles on a box of tissues instead. Quietly he sets them in front of Tsuzuki and resumes his seat.]

[Instead of using the tissues, he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, like a kid. Tsuzuki spends a lot of time holding tears back, so when they finally begin to fall he has a hard time stopping them. Hisoka would have chastised him for being so emotional, and that's partly why he can't stop.]

[It's a very quiet affair. No sobs, just warm tears and the occasional shivering exhale of breath. He takes hold of the tissue box, holding it with both his hands.]

... Thank you. For these.

[Sheik is at a loss for what to do. He wants to comfort his friend, but he's not close with Tsuzuki the way he is with Hijiri or even Sheena. Not since he tried to drive everyone away. A little hesitant, he reaches over to rest a hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder. If nothing else, he supposes, he's here if he's needed.]

[His wing instinctively covers Sheik hand, even if Tsuzuki's face doesn't seem to give an indication that he's noticed. He's trying to get his voice under control before he talks.]

[He really hadn't meant to break down where Sheik had seen it. It's mortifying that he lost control like that. At the same time, he's grateful that Sheik's not leaving or telling him to man up. That is what finally makes his tears dry up.]

I'm sorry. I'm just tired.

[Sheik shakes his head. Yes, it makes him uncomfortable, but he knows that sometimes crying is the only relief for that sort of hurt.] There is no need for you to apologize.

[He offers him a weak smile. This time he manages not to instantly cry more. In fact, it looks like he may slowly be getting control of himself again. He looks away, feeling really ashamed of his outburst.]

But there is. I'm not the one who got hurt.

[Another headshake.] That should not matter. You should not feel guilty for what has happened. [Whatever it is that was.]

[That's good advice, Sheik. Too bad he's in no condition to appreciate it. Instead he just continues to feel guilty.]

Those people that attacked you and Link-- Yuber and Nu? Do you know if they're still in town?

[There's a slight flash of something very dark in the Sheikah's eyes. Why did you bring that up, Tsuzuki. The kind tone he'd been using disappears.] Yuber has gone. The girl remains.

[He notices, but once the word is out he can't take it back.] Oh.

[He braces himself, since he thinks it's important to mention. The idea of Nu working together with a new murderer is scary.] Do you think it's possible that people who wants victims may work together here?

It is possible. If you are worried about the girl, do not be. [She's a threat to himself and Link specifically, but Sheik hasn't noticed outwardly hostile behavior toward many others. He's fairly certain they just did something to piss her off. Although what that is, is rather unclear to Sheik.]

[He had been, but he had honestly been more worried about his friends and housemates. Not for the first time, Tsuzuki wishes there were laws in Luceti.]

We need police. It's horrible that people can hurt others and get away with it. - Have you seen what they did to Draco and Hisoka?

Fuda # 27 | D:

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