idealism | Fuda #46 [action]

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this is not the best day. hisoka goes ho

Fuda #46 [action]

[When he woke up, Hisoka was gone.

This was for the better. His partner had finally gotten to go home. Now he would forget how hurt he was after Draco left. Now he would forget how badly Tsuzuki had ruined their partnership. Hisoka deserved that much, to get the chance to be happy again.

Tsuzuki didn't expect the same to become true for him. After all, he was the one that always ended up staying behind.

Thinking too much about it sapped his strength, filling his eyes with tears. There was no point in going outside. He should have let others know that his partner had left, but like with any sort of bereavement, it was much easier to pretend that the problem wasn't there. At least that way he could hold himself together by the fraying edges, trying to keep the yawning loneliness at bay.]

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[Of course he wasn't, but Eley wasn't offended by it.]

Thank you.

[He says, offering a gentle nod of understanding as he stepped inside. Normally he would be the guest in this situation and Tsuzuki was the one trying to make him feel more comfortable. Yes, he still didn't like confined spaces, but if a friend was in need of him, he wouldn't push them aside for that. You knew he was serious when he walked in without a moment's hesitation.

Eley didn't sit down yet. Instead he headed over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He offers it to Tsuzuki, feeling that it perhaps wasn't the best cure for his depression, but the thought was there all the same, right?]

Here. Refresh yourself. It is only natural to grieve for what you have lost, but you must not let it consume you.

[Tsuzuki takes the water, although he's not sure what it's supposed to be good for. Had it really been that long since he drank something?]

[He simply doesn't know what to do anymore, so he simply follows Eley as they walk through the apartment. Tsuzuki sniffs, his voice thick and weird since he's still sad.]

Thank you. For the drink.

[How does a person prevent themselves from being consumed by their own sadness and self-loathing? Tsuzuki never learned that. He sits down on the couch, nursing the water thoughtfully.]

[Eley sits beside him, still watching him carefully. He can't recall ever seeing his friend like this and he realises that his concern is steadily growing into a fear. Was there anything he could do, really? Was it even right that he should be here? The silence fills the room, steadily making the atmosphere heavier and more awkward. Eley shifts a little, unsettled.

He gives a soft sigh. Sometimes he wished he wasn't so useless at this human thing.]

You know that I am... inexperienced with these matters, for which I am sorry. Yet I do want to help. I... do not like to see you this way. If there is anything I can do...

[When he hears what Eleytheria says, it's as if it snaps him out of his own darkness, if only for a moment. Not because he misses Hisoka less, but because he realizes that Eley feels bad because of him. He takes a shaky breath, torn between wanting to comfort Eleytheria and to not be a burden.]

[It will be a lonely place without Hisoka. No one to talk to at breakfast, no one to laugh with over dinner, no one to steal hugs from when he is sad. He feels disconnected just thinking about it.]

Can I have a hug?

[Ah, of course. Why didn't Eley think of that? Maybe because he was so often not used to being touched, let alone embraced, and it was always Tsuzuki who was the one to hug him first...

The Spirit hesitates a little out of instinct, but he does feel at least a little better himself, knowing that he can offer something, no matter how small. So wordlessly, he leans over and hugs his friend, hoping that it might quell the bad feelings even if just a little.]

...I hope I am doing this right. [He says after a moment. He might be blushing a little too, but Tsuzuki can't see him right now at least.]

[Tsuzuki's head ended up resting in the crook of Eley's neck, his tears running down until it hit his neck. He was so tired of everything. Most of all he was tired of being trapped and having no hope in sight.]

[But despite his head feeling stuffed and painful and his heart feeling like it was breaking, it was a relief to be touched. Eley might be new to the whole hugging thing, but that didn't mean he wasn't good at it.]

[He nods his reply against the spirit's neck, wrapping his arms around his waist.]

[He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, the Spirit just letting him cry out his pain and holding onto him for however long he needed to. One thing was certain though, Eley didn't want to leave Tsuzuki alone. Not like this. He wondered if he might tolerate staying here for a while, just until the other man got back on his feet. Somehow he felt that someone better versed in human ways of living would be more beneficial to him, but he didn't know who to turn to yet.

Finally he spoke, though his voice was soft and careful. It was almost as if he was afraid of breaking his friend, he seemed so fragile. He didn't let go though, not until Tsuzuki made the move first.]

If you would not object, I can stay here for a while. At least until the intensity of your pain has passed. I fear for you, should you be left on your own... I do not think I could leave in good conscience.

[When Tsuzuki finally stopped, he felt like he's made out of jello. There was nothing strong and reliable that he could support himself on. Tsuzuki curled up on the couch next to Eley, his purple eyed darkened with emotions. At least the cloud of sorrow had eased somewhat, although it hadn't left.]

[He was grateful for the embrace, because he rarely got hugged without being the one initiating it. What Eleytheria said afterwards, however, he had not expected. Grief was supposed to be a private affair when you were a shinigami, often because there were few to turn to. Having someone that would listen to him wasn't something he was used to.]

You would? Why would you do that for me?

[The question only seems to confuse Eley though, as if he couldn't see why he wouldn't offer to help Tsuzuki.

Well... perhaps it would have been easy for him before. He was supposed to live apart from humans after all, not get wrapped up in their own personal affairs. It was really rather impossible for him to lead the same life in Luceti though, he found, especially when he was competing with a very human set of emotions himself.

Eley rests back on the couch, trying to relax.]

You are my friend... is it not right that I should stay by your side when you are feeling sad? Besides, you have offered me comfort when I have felt down before. I should return the respect you showed towards me.

[He pauses and looks down at his hands, playing with them as if anxious.]

I only wish that there was more I could do...

[Tsuzuki looks down between them, feeling strangely bashful. And ironically, although what Eleytheria says is exactly the opposite of sad, Tsuzuki's tears can't help but fall. It's an emotional day, okay.]

[He sniffs again, resting his head on the back of the couch.]

I'm so glad I met you, Eley. You're a good friend.

[This time the hug doesn't happen because he needs it, but because he wants to show how much it means to him. Tsuzuki doesn't want him to think that his support is somehow not enough.]

...I am?

[For once, for just a moment, he barely registered the hug, just let the man embrace him and sank into the warmth of his arms. It was true that people had called him friend, but he had never really thought about what it meant to be a 'good' friend. That anyone should think that of him was a surprise, albeit not an unwelcome one.

He didn't want to see anymore tears though, good or bad (though to Eley, he assumed all tears to be a negative thing). While he understood the importance of Tsuzuki letting his emotions go, he did hope that it would stop soon as he held him gently, and closed his eyes.]

Our journey is not over, Tsuzuki, remember that. While people may come and go and while we may lose those who are important, we must not forget that there is still more to be done during our own stay.

I for one... am thankful that I can still learn more from you, and more about you. For there is much I do not know.

[Tsuzuki hasn't thought about that. To him, time stands still, so it's impossible to think about a future, much less a happy one. When Eleytheria talks about embracing a new future. he stays silent. It's a beautiful, useful thought in the wake of his misery. Being happy without Hisoka sounds like such a faraway idea.]

[It also felt strange to think that Eley actually wanted to know more about him. Didn't he know that he was worthless? Couldn't even keep his partner safe. Couldn't ever make him happy. Still, he clung to the little hope he had, as if it might be his guide out of the darkness.]

If you stay, I promise that I will tell you everything. There are things I want to know about you, too.

[An exchange of information... It sounded fair enough, though Eley had to wonder just what Tsuzuki was wondering, and if it was something he could answer honestly, if at all. Still, could he really expect his friend to divulge information about himself without giving anything back?

The Spirit would have stayed anyway, at least for a while, but now it seemd that he had even more of a reason to do so. He gives a nod of approval.]

Then I will stay and I will tell you what I can. Though... I should ask you to be patient with me. I am not used to living inside these buildings.

[He was a little embarrassed to admit it but there were a lot of things in these places he'd never encountered before. If he started tinkering with things he didn't understand, things could potentially go very wrong, and he knew it.]

[Tsuzuki is quiet. When he asked him to stay, he had thought in general. Staying in Luceti, not staying in his home. However, the more he thinks about it, the better it sounds. He doesn't want to live in his and Hisoka's apartment with just memories.]

[After another moment, it seems like he's getting control over his emotions. This loss is only one in a line of many. Tsuzuki knows how to suppress it just enough that he won't be a burden on his surroundings. Hisoka is home. That is good. Now that Hisoka's forgotten everything, Tsuzuki will have to try to do the same.]

[Tsuzuki runs his fingers through his hair, looking gratefully at the spirit.]

I understand that. If you need to, we can always try to... I don't know. How can we make it easier for you?

[What could they do? Eley looked around the room as if trying to work out an answer from what he had around him.]

Well... to begin with there are many human machines I have never seen before. It may be wise to show me what to do with them while I stay here, or at least warn me about which ones not to touch.

[See? He knows his curiosity will get the better of him and if what's happened in the past is any indication, he'd end up hurting himself somehow.]

As for being inside, I find it a little more tolerable if the windows are open. Though I know it is cold now, so you may not wish to do that. Perhaps if I turn my focus to you, it will not be so bad.

[Tsuzuki's grateful for the distraction. He gets to his feet, wiping his face with the back of his hand. No more tears.]

I'll survive. How about we look at the bedrooms? Maybe one of them have bigger windows you can open.

[The small smile that blooms on his face is genuine, at least. In the middle of all this madness, he has forgotten how cute Eley could be.]

I can show you the toaster afterwards. That and the oven are the only things you should be careful with.

Ah, yes. That does sound like a good idea.

[He responds, getting to his feet himself. He's glad to see Tsuzuki up again, even smiling, even if he knows that things are likely to be difficult for him for some time. Seeing him so desperately sad... it hurt.]

I have at least some knowledge of the oven, though I have never used it myself, or unsupervised.

[He tilts his head a little.]

But there is a device used solely for toasting objects?

That's okay. I've used the oven several times, so I can show you how not to burn things.

[The loss will hurt a while. After all, Hisoka reminded him that it was possible to trust people without them being disgusted with him. It is better for the empath to be back home. At least then he won't be subjected to Tsuzuki's moods, a victim to the feelings of someone who feels down so often. It is a kindness to Hisoka to be sent home.]

[Whether it is a kindness to Tsuzuki, remains to be seen. In the meantime, he can make do with improvising, pretending he is happy. If Eleytheria will spend time with him, maybe he won't have to pretend so much. Especially if they're going to talk about food and inventions. He happily drags Eley towards the kitchen.]I'll show you later, ok? We can have supper.

[Eley doesn't protest much, not only because he wants to find out what Tsuzuki's up to himself, but because he feels he should perhaps be a bit more lenient towards the man for now and let him enjoy himself as he pleases. So he goes with Tsuzuki into the kitchen to find out exactly what his friend has in mind.

At least he'd used the oven before, or they might be in trouble when it comes to food. No, Tsuzuki had assured the Spirit that he knew what he was doing, and Eley trusted him enough to accept it.]

What exactly does 'having supper' involve?

[Okay so he wasn't exactly clued up on how people separated their meals...]

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Fuda #46 [action]

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