idealism | Fuda #44 [action]

Fuda #44 [action]

[It had been so long since had a real family, that when the event is over and the delusion lifts, he doesn't want to believe it's true. Still, as much as he tries he understood that the life he wanted is the dream, and the reality isn't anything like what he expected.]

He is glad to know Hisoka again, of course. His partner was as close to family as he could get. Tsuzuki knows he isn't as alone as he feels.]

[Tsuzuki needs some space to think. He misses Seto and Helios and their strange, lovable family. It isn't fair they had to give it up. He walks out of the house and goes through the city, but that's not enough. IN the end, he arrives at a familiar hill, at a familiar tree. He begins to climb on autopilot, not stopping until he's a couple of meters over the ground. Maybe things will make more sense if he can see the bigger picture from there.]

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[What did he miss? Eley considers that a moment, trying to pinpoint exactly what he had enjoyed about it.]

I suppose I miss that feeling of belonging... and the support I knew I had. No matter how dire the situation I felt that I could rely on that family to keep me going. I have realised that I am also rather... protective by nature, particularly when it comes to those I am close to. I protect Agkelos and my people at home. Here, I protected my family.

It was... good to feel useful.

I miss that, too. The support your family gives you is just... It's very rare.

[He smiles crookedly, understanding a bit too well what the spirit is talknig about.]

You're still useful, Eley. No one is saying you can't still be protective of your family.

...I suppose you are right. It is more whether or not they will allow it.

[Mithos in particular was always difficult to talk to. Now he's not sure if things might be even worse.]

The feeling will still remain, whether they were once family or are still friends now.

[Children are special that way. Tsuzuki plans to talk with Seto, just like Eleytheria wants to talk with Mithos. The urge to protect is still strong in him.]

Yeah, they do. You still feel like you're family, in a way.

It is strange though... to have witnessed and been a part of something so human - to truly believe at the time that I was human - and to look back at it now as a Spirit, a being who knows nothing of family. I hope that it has brought me closer to understanding what it truly means... yet at the same time I still feel uneasy about it. I feel that I do not know enough.

[That whole event had really taken a toll on him both mentally and physically. Not only was he questioning his own thoughts but he had also begun to realise other important things about himself in Luceti. He reaches out a hand, looking at it... at himself.]

I have also realised just how fragile I am in this body. I am beginning to realise that I cannot afford to isolate myself if I wish to survive.

That's why life is so precious. It's so fragile.

[Tsuzuki simply watches him, since he understands that Eley is trying to wrap his mind around something he's never had to understand before. It can be hard to accept.]

I think that's a good idea. Nothing good comes from isolating yourself.

I have been told time and time again to stop trying to avoid others... to stop trying to do everything on my own. Prior events have left me with a lot to think about. Perhaps it is time for me to decide who I can really trust.

[He looks to Tsuzuki.]

You are the first for me to acknowledge.

[He can't help his response. His wings rise on his back, showing just how happy he is to hear just that.]

I trust you too, Eley. I know I can rely on you if I need to.

[Eley offers a small smile at that response. It was rare for him, but it was possible. But he also can't help the small sigh that escapes him. Somehow he feels... dissatisfied lately, though he doesn't really understand why.]

You have taught me how to be... closer to people. Yet sometimes it does not feel close enough. While I may not be used to touch, I sometimes feel as though I long for more. I see people closely tied to one another and... I realise how alone I really am.

[He knows how rare those smiles are, so he can't help but to feel phenomenally grateful. That, coupled with how Eley said he trusted him first, makes him pause.]

I know that feeling. I miss my spirits like you wouldn't believe.

[He misses his family in general. He doesn't get more hugs than Eleytheria does, unless he steals them from people. And since he knows how it feels to miss those tight hugs you can get from family, he scoots just a little bit closer.]

But you know, you don't have to be so lonely.

Your spirits?

[It was then that Eley realised there was still a lot he didn't know about Tsuzuki and his life away from Luceti. Honestly, it just made him feel more compelled to learn about it, though he didn't want to pry too much... He could be patient, and take in whatever his friend wanted to offer him.]

...I suppose you are right. Though with my limited experience, I still feel somewhat out of place. I do not know how to approach things sometimes.

My shikigami. They are spirits, in a way.

[They're such an ingrained part of his life that he can't believe he's not talked about them before.]

They bonded with me ages ago, and having a family reminds a lot of that feeling.

[But they aren't talking about shikigami right now. He smiles crookedly, looking to the spirit.]

DO you think it would get easier if you had someone to rely on? I mean, someone to show you the ropes.

[Eley gives a firm nod.]

I have learned much by experiencing things alongside other people. You have already shown me many things that I had never encountered in the past. I suppose the best way to learn is to depend on someone who knows what they are doing.

[And... Eley knew a few people he could really depend on, Tsuzuki being one of them. Wasn't that partly why he had stayed with them for so long?]

Perhaps you can tell me more about these shikigami and your... bond with them.

[It was so good to know that he could do something right. He adjust his seat, leaning forward.]

Sure. What do you want to know about them?

Well... first of all, what exactly is a 'shikigami'? I have not heard the term before.

[He pauses.]

And how did you come to know them... and grow so close to them?

It's the name we use for nature spirits. Gods of all sizes. And tempers.

[As for the second half of his question, Tsuzuki doesn't really know how to answer that. It's been so long since they bonded. In the end, his answer is as simple as it is honest.]

...I believed in them. I opened my heart to them.

...I see.

[Eley seems rather contemplative about all of this. He knew well enough that Tsuzuki believed in him... and he could be categorised as a nature spirit himself, couldn't he?]

Does that not sound familiar to you?

It does, now that you mention it.

[It's something that makes Tsuzuki feel a little happy, but he tries not to be too obvious about it.]

There's just one tiny difference.

[Eley might have been more obvious if he was a rather more expressive individual. Either way he knows that his emotions are far from unreal right now. He hopes that Tsuzuki might share that same sentiment.

He tilts his head at those words though.]

A difference?

It's not enough just to believe. A lot of people believe. What makes it special is when they believe in you, too.

[Just remembering that feeling makes his heart feel lighter. Having his shikigami around always made him feel protected and loved, as if he was a part of a family. Eley reminds him far too much of them, and a small part of him hopes that the spirit understands that. He glances at him.]

Like it feels like a bond.

[It's then that Eley realises how he had never thought about the concept of believing in other people himself. He talked about the belief of humans fuelling the strength of the Spirits... but did they ever feel the need to give anything back in return?

Perhaps not in the past... and Eley was sure he would rarely say such a thing himself. But in this instance, it felt right.]

I believe in you, Tsuzuki. I have no hesitation in saying that.

Thank you. That means a lot.

[The joy he feels at that moment is quite easily noticed on his face. It's been so many years since the last time he bonded with someone, and the thought of possibly building trust with Eleytheria just makes him very happy.]

You know, I've missed that ever since I got to Luceti. Being separated from them made me feel weak. Like if I tried to save someone, I wouldn't be strong enough.

If your bond with them was so strong, it must have been... difficult for you.

[Like something was missing. It was no wonder Tsuzuki felt that way about himself, though Eley was sure he could do far more than he realised.]

It is made even more difficult with the limits on our abilities here, but that does not mean that we should lack the power to save others. I do not often like to use my abilities for forceful means, but to protect someone or to defend myself, I may make an exception.

...it is true that I should not have become so involved with people, but in Luceti I have had no choice. There is little else my powers of the wind are good for here... why should I not use it to assist others?

It was. It feels lonely.

[He was one of the luckier ones, of course. When he came to Luceti he was so fortunate to have a partner that supported him and helped him adjust to the town. Many people didn't have that.]

I don't like to hurt people, either. [However, he doesn't continue that train of thought, since Eleytheria has continued to speak.]

...Would you assist me? If I promise your powers will only be used to protect those too weak to defend themselves?

[If anyone else had asked, Eley may have hesitated. This was Tsuzuki though and the Spirit felt that he could hold his friend to that promise. The fact that he was even considering it as an option should be proof enough of how much he trusts him.

Just as long as he didn't break it later... but Eley was prepared to take that risk with him.

He gives a firm nod, looking Tsuzuki in the eye.]

In truth, I would assist you simply as a friend. But I sense that we could do much good in this world if we worked together. It has been too long since I have worked alongside humans to make a difference to their lives.

[The longer he stayed here, the more he felt he was losing that identity as a Spirit. Perhaps this would help him achieve that balance he was searching for.]

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idealism - 2013-09-16 20:41 (UTC) - Expand

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