Fuda #44 [action]

[idealism]

[It had been so long since had a real family, that when the event is over and the delusion lifts, he doesn't want to believe it's true. Still, as much as he tries he understood that the life he wanted is the dream, and the reality isn't anything like what he expected.]

He is glad to know Hisoka again, of course. His partner was as close to family as he could get. Tsuzuki knows he isn't as alone as he feels.]

[Tsuzuki needs some space to think. He misses Seto and Helios and their strange, lovable family. It isn't fair they had to give it up. He walks out of the house and goes through the city, but that's not enough. IN the end, he arrives at a familiar hill, at a familiar tree. He begins to climb on autopilot, not stopping until he's a couple of meters over the ground. Maybe things will make more sense if he can see the bigger picture from there.]

Comments

[winds_voice]

[Tsuzuki will find that he's not alone in this instance either. Eley isn't far from the tree he's sitting on right now, as was often the case, and upon finding someone sitting up in the branches he can't help but want to investigate. So Tsuzuki might find himself with a friend perching in the branch next to his, leaning up against the tree before he speaks. This was still a little odd... while not immediate family they had been somehow related before. Family was still something of a mystery to the Spirit... or so he had thought.]

...are you all right?

[idealism]

I guess. I just have a lot on my mind.

[He doesn't mind sharing a branch, especially with someone who had, for a couple of days, been a member of his family. He rests his chin on his hand, looking to his side.]

...I miss our family.

[winds_voice]

Mmm. I think we all do at this time.

[The event had changed many things between many people, some good and others bad. It was a huge shock... and one that everyone was trying to get through in their own way. Eley included.

He looks up to Tsuzuki, watching him.]

In a way... I miss them too. Though I am not exactly sure why. As a Spirit, I do not really have a concept of... family.

[idealism]

It's probably easier for me. I remember what a family felt like.

[Tsuzuki still feels a twinge of familiar attachment when he looks at Eley. It's hard to come to grips with the fact that they aren't related anymore. But was that going to change the fact that he felt attached to him? No. So when he sees the curious look from the spirit, he gives him an easy smile.]

What do you miss about it?

[winds_voice]

[What did he miss? Eley considers that a moment, trying to pinpoint exactly what he had enjoyed about it.]

I suppose I miss that feeling of belonging... and the support I knew I had. No matter how dire the situation I felt that I could rely on that family to keep me going. I have realised that I am also rather... protective by nature, particularly when it comes to those I am close to. I protect Agkelos and my people at home. Here, I protected my family.

It was... good to feel useful.

[idealism]

I miss that, too. The support your family gives you is just... It's very rare.


[He smiles crookedly, understanding a bit too well what the spirit is talknig about.]

You're still useful, Eley. No one is saying you can't still be protective of your family.

[winds_voice]

...I suppose you are right. It is more whether or not they will allow it.

[Mithos in particular was always difficult to talk to. Now he's not sure if things might be even worse.]

The feeling will still remain, whether they were once family or are still friends now.

[idealism]

[Children are special that way. Tsuzuki plans to talk with Seto, just like Eleytheria wants to talk with Mithos. The urge to protect is still strong in him.]

Yeah, they do. You still feel like you're family, in a way.

[winds_voice]

It is strange though... to have witnessed and been a part of something so human - to truly believe at the time that I was human - and to look back at it now as a Spirit, a being who knows nothing of family. I hope that it has brought me closer to understanding what it truly means... yet at the same time I still feel uneasy about it. I feel that I do not know enough.

[That whole event had really taken a toll on him both mentally and physically. Not only was he questioning his own thoughts but he had also begun to realise other important things about himself in Luceti. He reaches out a hand, looking at it... at himself.]

I have also realised just how fragile I am in this body. I am beginning to realise that I cannot afford to isolate myself if I wish to survive.

[idealism]

That's why life is so precious. It's so fragile.

[Tsuzuki simply watches him, since he understands that Eley is trying to wrap his mind around something he's never had to understand before. It can be hard to accept.]

I think that's a good idea. Nothing good comes from isolating yourself.

[winds_voice]

I have been told time and time again to stop trying to avoid others... to stop trying to do everything on my own. Prior events have left me with a lot to think about. Perhaps it is time for me to decide who I can really trust.

[He looks to Tsuzuki.]

You are the first for me to acknowledge.

[idealism]

[He can't help his response. His wings rise on his back, showing just how happy he is to hear just that.]

I trust you too, Eley. I know I can rely on you if I need to.

[winds_voice]

[Eley offers a small smile at that response. It was rare for him, but it was possible. But he also can't help the small sigh that escapes him. Somehow he feels... dissatisfied lately, though he doesn't really understand why.]

You have taught me how to be... closer to people. Yet sometimes it does not feel close enough. While I may not be used to touch, I sometimes feel as though I long for more. I see people closely tied to one another and... I realise how alone I really am.

[Action]

[cynicism]

[As it happens, Hisoka's been having an outdoorsy sort of day. He hasn't set his bandages back on since abandoning them during the event. And though he's still fairly gnarled and upsetting to look at, he's not a walking blob of scar tissue anymore. He pauses at the base of Tsuzuki's tree, staring up at the man who's far too old to be up in a tree for any reason.]

What are you doing up there?

[Action]

[idealism]

Looking at the world.

[He looks down at his scarred partner. The disfiguration doesn't bother him now that he's gotten used to it. They've both seen worse curses than this, so as long as Hisoka's not in pain that's what's important. Besides, he's grateful for the company. He swings his legs like a kid.]

Did you get bored with being inside?

[Action]

[cynicism]

I've been inside too much lately. I hate feeling trapped.

[He settles down at the base of the tree, apparently content to carry conversation like this.]

There's not a lot of world here to look at.

[Action]

[idealism]

There's enough. I even saw a bird's nest up here.

[Although Hisoka doesn't mind him being up there, Tsuzuki wonders if it would be better to continue the conversation down on the ground. But Hisoka looks like he's peaceful down there, and he doesn't want to disturb him.]

...Did you get a good family this time around?

Re: [Action]

[cynicism]

Birds make nests everywhere. That's nothing new.

And it wasn't really worth talking about. I'm never going to see them again..

[Action]

[idealism]

[It doesn't seem fair to tell about his wonderful family then, considering that Hisoka's had just been stolen from him. Again.]

I hope they treated you well. That's all. I didn't know you well enough to make sure.

Re: [Action]

[cynicism]

It was fine. It wasn't real. There's no reason to be nostalgic over it.

[Action]

[idealism]

[He understands that Hisoka is saying it to reassure himself, but he still feels like he's saying that his experience doesn't matter, either.]

It felt real to me. I don't want to forget it.

[He hops down from the branch, to sit by Hisoka's side even though he wasn't asked.]

I mean, it's not like I'll be able to have a son again.

[Action]

[cynicism]

[It's actually insulting that Tsuzuki would say that. Hisoka's expression tightens.]

Tsuzuki, didn't you read what people have been talking about on the journals? It was part of an invasion. We were attacked from the inside out. Why would you want to subject yourself to that again?

[Action]

[idealism]

I don't --I didn't say I wanted to go back. Why would you think that?

Re: [Action]

[cynicism]

If you don't want to forget it, that's the same as accepting it. It's nice that you enjoyed having your head cracked open and your entire life pulled out and rearranged, but it was poison.

[Action]

[idealism]

[Tsuzuki is quiet. He could spend the next half hour arguing with Hisoka over whether it should be forgotten or not, but ultimately he thinks they're talking about two different things. At least he recognizes that while he loved the experience and doesn't care if it's 'poison' if it means being happy, losing control of his mind must be utterly terrifying for his partner.]

You don't have to be angry. I know where my real family is.