Fuda #34

[idealism]

[This time around, all Tsuzuki recorded was his slurred voice.]

What do you mix -- get if you mix vodka, liquor and raspberry juice?

[A long pause. There''s a clink of the glass. Consider how full of suck the world has been lately, it's a great day for drinking.]

Tatsumi's gone. His things were gone when I checked. There's not a lot of people left now.

So it's time to drink to them.

Comments

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

They are two people who interact with each other. That is called a relationship.

[action]

[idealism]

[He finishes his drink, and the alcohol makes him braver.]

... It both'red me a lot 'n the beginn'ng.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

Does it still?

[action]

[idealism]

[He hesitates. It's only because he's lonely and hasn't gotten to say this before that makes him tell Joshua.]

Well, itsh not fun bein' replaced. But 'Soka would be misrebla--sad without 'im now.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

What makes you think you've been replaced?

[action]

[idealism]

['Lot of practice' is what he almost answers, but thinks better of it.]

It's a feelin' I get. I don' know how to explain. You know-at I mean, right?

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

Not at all. Do elaborate.

[action]

[idealism]

Like... like he's bored.

He'sss outgrowin' me.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

Why do you think that is?

{action]

[idealism]

It wash only a matter of time. Y'know? I musht be doing som'thin' wron.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

I'm still not seeing how that follows.

[action]

[idealism]

Oh? But it makes peffect sense.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

Then what makes you think it was inevitable?

[action]

[idealism]

[He doesn't answer, rubbing his face as if it brings him comfort. Looking critically on why he believes that it Must Happen isn't comfortable or fun, so he decides to drink instead.]

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

...

You invite me out here, then ignore me. Is that how it is?

[ Despite the words, his tone of voice doesn't sound annoyed in the slightest. ]

[action]

[idealism]

Iss noth that.

[He blinks quickly, feeling close to tears again. He doesn't know why he thinks the way he does, only that he has no sense of self-worth to battle those insecurities. Alcohol only makes it worse.]

Hav'n't you ever felt like --like some people would have a better life without you in it?

Thero--theoricl-. Y'know.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

Nope.

[ Joshua giggles, then shifts on his chair. ]

I'm never a part of people's lives in the first place.

[action]

[idealism]

[He turns his misty-eyed stare in Joshua's direction. That sounds so lonely.] 'm sho sorry.

Yourr a part of mine.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

You're not alive.

[ Joshua giggles again. ]

Besides, I don't regret my decision. I don't need sympathy for it.

[action]

[idealism]

Decision?

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

What led to my situation. Ah, but I'm not the one we're talking about right now.

Why do you think Hisoka would be better off without you?

[action]

[idealism]

But I really wanna know.

[He touches his glass absentmindedly. When did he empty it?]

...He wouddn't feel so embarr'ssed all t' time. An' he wouldn't have to worry.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

Because you're the only person in the world capable of making him feel embarrassed, and the only person he'd ever worry about?

[action]

[idealism]

No.

[And while that's true, it still hurts. It's not pleasant to realize he's being self-centered.]

But I know he worries.

[action]

[neverplaysfair]

So what?