idealism | Fuda # 12 [Action/video]

[OOC: community. xD And ACK NO DON'T DO THAT if I hang around DRs this year too it means I'm STILL not doing what I should be. xD /WILL GRADUATE SOMEDAY.]

[Tsuzuki feels so sad now... But even his empathy is suspect right now. He stares up at Tsuzuki, the corners of his mouth trembling dangerously.] ....It's you. Right?

[ooc: but if you hang around dressing rooms it means you haven't satisfied your RP fix. YAY GRADUATING. Now you'll be an adult!]

[He takes a step back, closing the door behind them. He doesn't want some of the mist to seep in. Tsuzuki also don't want Hisoka to realize that he's hurting] Yes. It's me.

Are you yourself again?

[OOC: Weeeeelll it's already too late in the semester to graduate before the Spring even if I finish another draft and my adviser approves it before the end of November. (which she won't because I've been trying to make this thing happen since January of last year and it's part of my lack of drive ;_; ) BUT I'm not planning on giving up on the MA either, so. That's where that is. AND THEN WE HIATUS. Possibly tomorrow. I need to nab Ty and possibly check in with Sol because baby!Hisoka might ping Harry too. XD]

[There's still a threatening tremor in his voice, through he's trying to swallow it away.] I don't know. I don't know if this is real.

[ooc: Sounds complicated, still, I know you can do it! Don't give up on the MA. Your advisor doesn't sound entirely nice, but I'm sure she means well. I can really relate to having no drive, so I really do hope that you'll succeed before it gets too exhausting. If they'll both be pinged by wee!Hisoka, I should probably grab them too. That way we can plot some shenanigans for when you come home.]

I think I'm me. [Tsuzuki wipes his cheeks just in case, then turns to Hisoka with a hopeful smile.] Ask me something only I would know. Maybe that'll work.

[He shakes his head] Too easy if we're both just hearing things. ...I hate this.

[Normally he'd ask Hisoka to touch him and feel that he's still Tsuzuki, but since he's still hurt he doesn't want to push that at his partner.] I want to take a nap. I'm tired.

At least we managed to get home. You won't go out into the mist again, right? At least tell me first.

Yeah.. Go ahead. I'm staying down here. [He makes a mechanical motion toward the couch, fully intending to huddle up into himself and lie awake for the next several days.]

Then I'll stay down here, too. [First one to the couch gets it.]

... Do what you want. [They can share. Hisoka's not going to take up much room, curled up against an arm and half-hanging over the edge.]

[This distrust really sucks, but the only thing that sucks more is to spend the night upstairs and alone. He curls up on his own edge of the couch.] Could you do me one favor, Hisoka?

Yeah? [It's not mistrust as much as it is his kneejerk instinct to crave his lonely little cage whenever emotions get to be too much for him.]

[Which is why Tsuzuki's giving him his space. He tries to look at him as he speaks.] It's just... Could you not call me a demon? I'd really appreciate that.

[Unfortunately, Hisoka doesn't return the gesture. It's easier to talk to someone without eye contact.] ....You know I wasn't talking to you. Right?

[He receives a hesitant nod in return. Tsuzuki wasn't certain, though that was the mist's fault.] It just felt like you did.

Well it felt wrong. [He lowers his head, sighing softly.] ...Don't get up for a while, okay? Floor'll kill you.

Huh? [He leans over to look at the floor. If the bad visions have crept further into the house he was going to-- Oh. Tsuzuki gets up again and scoots closer to Hisoka.] At least the couch is still safe.

For now. [He'll even be accepting Tsuzuki's closeness, sinking back to settle in his arms. He's messed up enough to not care that they're officially cuddling in the middle of the living room. here are more important things.]

It can't get worse than outside. [Tsuzuki's response is slow, because he's getting lost in his own thoughts, but he pulls Hisoka into a hug. No one in the house will care. They'll be too busy recovering from their own visions.]

Of course it can. [But the hug is nice enough to keep him settled for now.]

Then we better enjoy it while it lasts. [There's a stray tear sliding down his cheek, although Tsuzuki doesn't seem to notice. He was too shell-shocked to properly reach when they were outside, so all of it's crashing down on him now. Getting a hug helps, at least.]

[He settles against Tsuzuki, clinging as he's being clung to. The only thing he knows for sure right now is that he's here with Tsuzuki, and that he needs to keep awake and alert enough to not lose sight of that again. It might be a long couple of nights for them both.]

[Some very long nights. Having Hisoka close helps. He just needs a moment to digest seeing the visions of people he had lost a long time ago.]

[He closes his eyes and tries to wish his tears away, if only for Hisoka's benefit.]...Sorry.

Don't be. [He's never really minded sharing Tsuzuki's pain. He even goes so far as to wipe at his partner's eyes, nestling his head against Tsuzuki's shoulder and bringing his face terribly close as a gesture of trust.]

[Tsuzuki wishes that he hadn't seen the bloody nightmares in the mist. It opened up a path in his memory that he doesn't want to go down.]

[At least Hisoka's presence grounds him safely in the moment. He appreciates the gestures more than he can say, but since he's already a little fragile it simply means he cries more. With a small sniffle, he cradles Hisoka close.] I feel so useless.

Ssh... [He strokes at Tsuzuki's hair, fingers giving his bangs a light petting.] You're not useless. I need you. Understand?

[Action] <33 BECAUSE then I would have to admit how old I am. XD That doesn't always work in the RP

[Action] <33 pfff haha, I promise I won't tell anyone.

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[Action] <33 Aww you're so cute! ;_; And so good to me too! ilu Linn!!

[Action] <33 love you, too!

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