idealism | Fuda #33 . reaching out [video]

You get too close to people. It's what you always do.

[He looks into his tea, his eyes dark and sad. There's no point in denying what Hisoka says. It's true.]

If I had known that he'd leave, I would have made a better effort at telling him things.

We can't go back to change the things we regret, Tsuzuki. You'll drive yourself crazy if you try.

[When their conversation starts to include craziness, Tsuzuki knows it's time to change it. He soberly touches Hisoka's fingretips.]

....I won't let it get that far. You don't have to worry about that, Hisoka.

What did you do after Rachel left?

[He lets Tsuzuki's fingers linger upon his for a long moment, considering the emotions running through his partner.]

Come on. I'm going to take you somewhere.

[He stands, collecting the dishes from their tea.]

[He gets up and puts his hand on his back. Tsuzuki would have touched Hisoka again, but he's unsure if his inner turmoil really should be shared. He was stupid for touching Hisoka earlier.]

Huh? Where are we going?

Just come.

[He sets the cups in the sink and leads Tsuzuki outdoors, heading out toward the south lake.]

[Sensing that This Is Important, he follows without asking any more questions. As they go to the lake, he looks at Hisoka as if he's expecting an explanation.]

[He doesn't provide it. He leads Tsuzuki for the next fifteen minutes. When they reach the lake, he settles down at the edge of it, watching the fish swim around.]

We come here. When things are hard, I mean.

[It's beautiful out here. He understands why it's such a popular spot to go to when they feels like the world is falling apart.]

[Tsuzuki picks a leaf off a branch, placing the small blade in the water. It slowly floats away.]

You and Draco?

[He nods quietly, as if speaking too immediately might break the spell of tranquility keeping the lake approachable. It's the place they met if one was upset or hurt, if fighting needed to be done, if they needed to open up about anything.

He tugs on the edge of Tsuzuki's jacket to urge him to settle, curling up beside him once he's sitting properly.]

[Tsuzuki realizes he knows this lake. It was he background in one of Hisoka's nightmares. But it looks very different now. It's serene and quiet.]

[He wraps and arm around Hisoka's shoulder, grateful for the closeness. After losing that many friends, it feels vital to be near someone who understands.]

[Everything looks different when there aren't corpses floating in the lake.]

Are you going to be okay?

It's better that they're home, right? Now they won't get experimented on.

That's right. They're living out the lives they're supposed to have. Just think of them like clients.

[It makes him yearn for something, though he doesn't know what. If they had been clients, at least he could have helped them.]

I wish I had gotten the chance to say goodbye to him. To all of them.

[He nods quietly.]

So do I. But life doesn't always move the way we'd like it to. There's no reason to hold regrets.

[After seventy years, it's difficult to break a habit he's relied on so much. That guilt has made him feel human. Still, Tsuzuki appreciates what Hisoka is trying to do for him. He nuzzles his hair, trying to think of something else.]

Do you think that if we had stayed in 49, we would have been sent home by now as well?

[He shakes his head.] No, I don't.

We haven't finished everything we need to do here yet. We've got to take care of others before we can be sent off.

[That's not something he had considered, but it's good that Hisoka made him think about it. There's still work to be done, so he can't fall apart.] Like Draco?

Like everyone here. We make sure everyone goes where they belong. That's our purpose.

In that case we're going to be here for a long time.

[He gives him a small, grateful smile, watching the ripples on the surface of the water. It's surprising him that he actually does feel better.] You have a big heart, you know.

Don't go spreading that around.I don't want to hear Draco's mouth about it.

I won't. It wouldn't be a secret anymore, if I did.

[But Draco wouldn't be surprised, he guesses.]

[He rolls his eyes and falls quiet again. Silence is the best sound.]

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[Action] You know, that icon is still forever ruined for me.

[Action] XD I had forgotten about that. Thanks for reminding me.

[Action] It's what I'm here for :|b

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